Sometimes life changes shake more than just our daily routines - they challenge our very sense of who we are. Perhaps you've recently left a long-term career, received a health diagnosis, or become a parent. Maybe you're adjusting to retirement, an empty nest, or a late-life neurodivergent diagnosis. These transitions often bring a particular kind of grief that isn't often talked about: identity grief.

Recognising What You're Feeling

You might find yourself looking in the mirror, wondering who this new person is. Your familiar routines have shifted, relationships feel different, and the future you'd imagined has changed shape. Perhaps you're grieving the person you used to be or the life you thought you'd have. These feelings aren't unusual - they're a natural response to significant life changes.

The Hidden Struggles

Identity grief often shows up in unexpected ways. You might feel disconnected from your old social circles or uncertain in situations that once felt comfortable. Simple questions like "What do you do?" or "How are you?" might suddenly feel complicated to answer. Your confidence might waver as you navigate this new version of yourself.

Even positive changes can trigger these feelings. A promotion might leave you questioning your abilities. Becoming a parent might make you miss your old independence. Retirement might have you wondering about your purpose. These reactions don't mean you're ungrateful or resistant to change - they're part of processing who you're becoming.

Finding Your Way Forward

Start by acknowledging that this transition is significant. Give yourself permission to grieve the parts of your identity that feel lost or changed. At the same time, stay curious about who you're becoming. What aspects of your old self still feel true? What new characteristics are emerging?

Try creating new routines that honour both your past and present. Keep the traditions that still feel meaningful while being open to new ones. Connect with others going through similar transitions - whether that's joining a parent group, finding an online community for your health condition, or connecting with others navigating retirement.

Remember that identity isn't fixed - it's constantly evolving. While some changes feel more dramatic than others, each transition adds new layers to who we are rather than erasing who we've been. You're not losing yourself; you're growing into a new version of yourself.

Right now, this in-between space might feel uncomfortable. But with time and support, you can integrate these changes into a new sense of self that feels authentic and meaningful.